I'm confused now.
There's a lot of things in my mind. I really suck at expressing my thoughts in words.

There are people being awfully nice to you. though you should feel glad and happy over it but that hurts you a lot too, well probably not all the time.. but most of the time, perhaps?

you thought they really cared about you. So after you opened up to them, regarded them as someone close, always being there for them and placed trust in them, some would somehow end up distance away from you after whatever happened. probably they got tired of you or what so ever. and then you ended up being paranoid, making yourself cry, and you don't even know what crime you did that led to all these. and then you thought, "what am i to you? what do i mean to you after all these happenings? Should i regard those moments and our friendship as trash and throw them away?". well probably they can, but i can't. Friendship to me is something.. something big; important. and then here they are, giving you a slap in your face and broke your trust, and your heart. You really hate such people, but you can't bring yourself to say "I hate you" right in their face because they are the ones you love, well maybe once loved, truly loved, as friends.

So, though they were close, once close, but after whatever had happened and they drifted away, and caused you to think, "who are they?.. Seriously. Who are you?". Its like you don't know them at all. as if they'd become a whole new person. well as least not the one you think you knew, before.

sometimes you hope you can telepath to know what the people are thinking. whether or not they treat you well from the bottom of their heart or is it just plain sympathy, or otherwise trying to get something from you etc. if telepathy exist in me, i would be able to know what people are thinking in the very first place. and then the history will never ever repeat. and it'll bring a lot less trouble from getting upset, moody, hurt, and whatever negative things you can think of. now i think I'm selfish.

and the thing that makes me tear most is that, the people who brightened up your day, ended up not being one of those whom you'd regarded as your so-called close ones. I don't know who i can trust. I don't know if there's any more people i can trust other than the ones I'm having now.

sometimes it's not that you did not try. you tried to hold on. you did everything you can trying to make things right. but the more you try the less its working. eventually you got to let go, you got to let them free, because you are tearing yourself apart into bits and pieces, trying to hold on to something impossible for too long. then it all happens again. like trip and fall, and tide turn, not really. also wondering how the hell I'd come up with life.

i don't ask for awesomeness in September, but just better than August.

Last day of work was simply extraordinary. Felt so physically and mentally tired that was abnormally worst than usual (You should have gotten what i meant). and unexpectedly, guests and members actually spoke to me. There was one guest asked for my name and those usually visited with just a smile, surprisingly asked "How are you?" or otherwise beamed and said "Hi/Hello" and the conversation started. Seems like most of them knew it was my last day of work without anyone telling them. What strong instinct they have, I thought. Or probably because "the walls have ears" and mouth. Sounds familiar, no? Anyway, four months of work definitely gain you experience. Be it people or dealing with problems which could have been avoided (usually caused by irresponsible and insensible people). Without doubt, I will miss the people I had worked with, and even some whom I had never ever spoken before other than "thank you".

Anyhow! Went picnic with two ladies yesterday. Stuffed ourselves with the food we brought and went bubbling and kite flying. So just let the pictures do the talking.





































This kid was trying so hard to make his kite fly.














Nah, lazy to upload them all. Visit my facebook for more.

March is coming to an end. Kind of enjoyed March, surprisingly. Other than work, managed to meet out some friends and colleagues to chill and stuff. April shall be an exciting one (i hope) since school is starting! & i better meet a batch of fun and loving kids *hold up crossed fingers*

Don't you feel pissed and angry, at the same time with disappointment and blue when you cared for some people but they don't seem to give a damn and you somehow feel that you're not important to them? Do you know how it feels? but they thought too highly of themselves thinking that they're very important to you (actually they were right) and then they start being bossy, irresponsible, talking about you on fackbook or twitter (indirectly of course) whenever something went wrong (yes, you are the one at fault, to such people you'll always be, and they'll never stop for a second to think about what they'd done wrong), etc. then you ended up whining to your other friends but actually you were utterly disappointed that you wanted to loathe them but you can't make yourself to do it because you know that they meant something important to you (unfortunately they don't treat you the same way.. even though they think they did). You get so tired of it and you want to protect yourself from all these shits that you ended up not concerning them anymore and then both parties became strangers. few months/years later, when you are enjoying your life with other good pals that cherish you, all of a sudden they tag you on facebook on some friendship stuffs or poke you on facebook or upload photos that were taken with you centuries ago/ etc etc, otherwise text/inbox/write on your facebook wall "hey long time no see, lets meet up" and stuff like that and then for a moment you thought things turned out better again & you treated them well and do whatever nonsense to please them but few days/weeks later all those shits happen again.

and then one day you thought why not you start a conversation first, things might turn out better and you can go back to those happy moments in the past but the way they replied made you fell off from your chair and the truth somehow hit you on the head emotionally causing you to wonder if you should give up. yes you started the shit again but then the shit stopped there, and we believe it'll happen again because shit always happens.

Look, I'm not trying to get any sympathy from anyone I just want to let these people know how I feel and what I'm thinking so that they'll come and slap me on the face and spit out the truth. and I'm not actually referring to a group of people, I used plural just to make it less obvious. Yeah you get what I mean.. What a good start for the month of March!

Bonjour! Went to City Square yesterday to 'celerate' YES 933 21st birthday, accompanied by shoppers, hosts, Djs, work crew, Derrick Hoh, JJ Lin and.. crazy fans -_-




He looked at my camera hohoho


Derrick Sang 2 songs while JJ sang none! Wasted our time waiting there!

My mischievous niece and nephew yet duper kawaii.







and Happy Valentines' Day everyone! I'm not sick of being single, in fact happy being single! I'm a single lady~ I'm a single lady~ LOL Anyway to all single ladies, happy valentines' day! Don't be upset, the someone is just sitting around somewhere, waiting for you to discover them. I'm meeting out 2 single ladies for a swim today! I don't know swimming though, the 2 single ladies gonna teach me! well to those lovebirds out there, wish you bai tou xie lao, and never be a two-timer, be faithful to your lovely.

Also, Happy Valentines' Day Gackt! Can't wait to wear my newly bought swim suit and goggles!! Au revoir!

Ps; I bought lovely roses myself!

Good morning living things! Yes I'm still alive! Sorry for not updating for quite sometime. But hey, is there anyone reading?

Anyway, I've started working at a hotel's gym at the start of the month. My very first job in my entire life and up till now everything is good I guess. Two of my colleagues left yesterday and I'll definitely miss them a lot. Work is going to be boring without them. On the other hand, many complicated things happened recently. I don't know who I should trust/believe. Perhaps this is what the adults would usually say to a child, "you don't know what the society is like. you don't know what's happening out there. you will meet all sorts of people.." etc. Yeah, probably because I'm new to this working-thing (now I can hear someone one saying "welcome to the society") Well, the best decision is to sit on the fence I guess? Silence might be the best way to solve the problem, just for this at the moment.

Back to the bright side. I'm finally working! Hooray!! Money are knocking on my door. Furthermore, I guess this job is what I need. I want to be outgoing and fun, and this job requires to greet and speak to foreigners, strangers, weird people.. I'm not an outgoing person, I can't deny that. But I'm learning to be one, and I want to be one you see. So lets pray that everything will go very smoothly for the following days till my very last day of work!

Going for SodaGreen's concert tonight and visiting the zoo tomorrow! Can't wait to see Qing Feng, can't wait to hear his voice, and can't wait to see the animals!

Lastly, I'm drifting away from my friends. Hello~ I'm right here, do you see me?